Needle Jabbed by a Child

Meditation 30/11/2016

I was doing another LightBody meditation. In the middle, I started to feel really self-recriminatory. I had a vision where a priest and a young boy were in the room with me. It felt like they were both different aspects of me. I tried to convince the boy that he didn’t need to be afraid. I was tempted to punch the priest, but remembered to send love instead. The boy agreed with me, but then he jabbed a needle into my neck. I ignored it and someone nearby (a guide?) pulled it out.

The Burning Tree

Meditation: 29/11/2016

I was listening to a LightBody meditation, when I realized that I often resist moving into really blissful, flowing states of consciousness. Whenever I start to feel “too good”, there is a part of me that gets scared and shuts everything down. That part of me believes I don’t deserve to feel good and that I will be punished for trying to experience something I don’t deserve. It’s definitely related to some old religious conditioning. Gee thanks Catholic school! Anyways… Near the end of the meditation, I got an image of myself floating on my back above a single perfectly round tree in the middle of a massive green field. While I’m floating, someone (me?) sets the tree on fire and my body gets burned. It burns into ashes, which are carried away by the wind.

Thoughts/Meaning

Given that I was dealing with some old religious conditioning, the symbol of a burning bush is pretty dramatic. It was after all the way God spoke to Moses (from Exodus: “There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up.”). Interestingly, my burning tree destroys me completely. Maybe that’s my real fear, that if I did come into contact with God there would be nothing left of me. I would just burn up and be destroyed.

Garnet Vision

Meditation Dream: July, 2016

Sometimes when I’m in need of guidance, I pick a card. I have an awesome pack of Crystal Oversoul Cards, which I love. After shuffling the deck, I picked the garnet card. It has to do with accelerating the divine spark and clearing out the base chakra. When I focused on the card, it seemed to shift and change. Eventually, I closed my eyes. I saw a being standing before me. He turned and led me to a red temple. I laid down on an altar made of garnet and saw all kinds of geometric symbols. I got scared when a big ball of energy appeared above me. I checked to make sure I was safe. When I was calm again, the ball entered my body. I heard the words “Earth Connection.” Mother Earth came then. She mixed dirt and stone and ocean and plants into a mug and held it out to me to drink. I did, and I immediately felt a rush of energy run throughout my body. Then, I saw my body change colour and substance until I was entirely made of rock and clay. “You are now one of the red people,” Mother Earth said. “A walking, talking stone woman.” I have a feeling the deeper meaning will be made clear in time. For now, I feel very earthed and sleepy.

Crystal Dreaming

Dream 27/6/2016

I’m laying down. Suddenly a great light shines down upon me. I am surrounded by light, bathed in purple light. I like the sensation, but I can feel I’m resisting. There’s a part of me that is terribly afraid. Afraid of the responsibility, afraid of what’s being asked of me, afraid I’m not enough.

I don’t remember the rest of the dream, but there was something about jewels. I remember seeing a white city with a domed temple. I was awakened by a pulse in my foot as though someone was trying to wake me up. My legs were incredibly warm for ages afterwards.

Thoughts/Meaning

On the day that I had this dream, I spent ~30 minutes meditating with a crystal that I bought in Sedona, AZ. During the meditation, the crystal appeared to shift and change in my vision, and I had the feeling that the crystal and I were one. I’m sure the dream is connected to my work with the crystal.

Healing a Grudge

Meditation Upon Waking: 25/6/2016

Had a vivid dream, but couldn’t quite pull the memory to the surface. Got to thinking about Dianna (an ex-teacher who was invested in keeping me small). There is still a part of me sending mean thoughts her. I go to investigate. There is a part of me that is very “eye-for-an-eye”. I want to punish Dianna for what she did and how she hurt me. I talk to that part of myself. I tell her that nothing happens without our consent on some level and that she is using these past events to stay powerless. She says it’s still uncomfortable and painful. Something unravels and she lets go of her grudge against Dianna. There is a golden door that we pass through. On the other side is a meadow. A man is standing there. This part of me runs up and kisses him. He’s a version of my partner James, but stronger and more self-assured. He thanks me for bringing back his wife. Then he talks to me about my James. He says I need to honor James’s gentle, quietness because when I get extremely busy (which I will), this peace will be necessary.

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