Visiting the Library

Meditation: 25/6/2016

I ask about my life purpose.

My guide takes me to a pyramid made of light. It has two pillars on either side. We go inside and St Germain meets us. He takes us down some stairs to a vast library. There he pulls King Arthur and His Knights off the shelf and opens it. Symbols and equations fill the air, coming off the page. I flip to page one and see it’s written as a story even though vibrationally it contains so much else. We shelve it and walk along. I see a bookcase full of books I’ve written. The Destiny series is there. We open one and it too is filled with symbols. People will think they’re just reading a story, but the transmission will change their consciousness.


Earth Compass

Meditation Dream: Undated

Note: With intuitive information, there’s always a question of trusting it while also using discernment.  This meditation is a good examples of that. Half of it feels right and the other half has no energy at all.

I am born out of an egg, my skin peeling off. I stand under a waterfall and wash away the old. I walk forward strong and pure towards my guides. They each put a flower in my hair and I consciously choose to let go of everything I carry for other people and against myself. Then Pelee comes and surrounds me with fire. It surges through my body. She and I have work to do together. A being with blue moving lines all over comes and gifts me a sort of compass. He says, “It’s part of your task to map out the Earth grid and bring it into consciousness.” Then an Egyptian woman comes forward and taps my 3rd eye. She said, it’s time I remember my Egyptian past. An image of a man and woman having sex on an altar fill my vision. Apparently their work helps activate people through physical pleasure and union.


I always wonder if the messages that come through meditative dreaming are symbolic or direct. I know they can be either, but sometimes it’s hard for me to tell the difference.  Pelee and the fire and the compass make complete sense to me as direct messages. Especially since I now work with Earth energy and the elemental realms all the time. But the Egyptian part of the meditation has no resonance at all. It’s weird. Although I know lots of intuitives and psychics who believe they lived in Egypt at some time, I’m not convinced I was ever there.



Asking #7

An Asking: Undated, sometime in late-2014

Help me to fully see, understand and heal my love mask. Help me bring to the surface and process any issues still related to this false solution that I present to the world. I ask my guides and my angels to help me fully understand and heal any family beliefs about physical safety that I am carrying in my system. Help me give back and clear any beliefs that I will starve or die violently or experience the apocalypse. Help me to release any thought patterns or beliefs that were imposed on me via my familial heritage about physical safety or my body. Help me to heal this so that I may incarnate fully with love and respect for my physicality. Help me to live consciously in all areas of my life. Amen.

*A lot of my askings actually sound like prayers and end with Amen. Maybe I was never asking, maybe I was always praying…

**I wrote this asking after a series of memories around getting my period as a young girl returned to my consciousness. My mother didn’t handle it well. In fact she dealt with it by not talking about it. I was essentially left to figure things out on my own. I bet that’s true for a lot of women in our culture. We’re made to feel that our body is somehow shameful and so speaking about quite natural parts of our development becomes taboo. I wish it wasn’t like that. I’m also starting to realize that part of uncovering and honoring the inner feminine is to honor and love the outer feminine. I have to learn love and accept my body, which is hard in a society where your value as a women is often perceived as being connected to how you look and how much you weigh.

3 A.M. Thought #4

My connection to my higher self is intermittent, which makes my ability to manifest intermittent. I need to prioritize my inner life. I need to go back to grounding and opening up every morning.

Asking #6: Finding Juanita

An Asking: Undated, sometime in late 2014

Where is the pain in my heart chakra from? Please show me what my sexual issues are about. Help me to become clear so that I can heal. Help me see what keeps me from accessing my inner feminine.

*At this time, I was obsessed with Shania Twain’s song Juanita, which to me represents every woman’s search for her inner wild feminine.

Arrested by the FBI

Dream: Undated, sometime in late-2014

I’m under house arrest by the FBI for starting a cult based on a children’s book. I really want to escape, but I also feel I should somehow deal with the situation.


This is a short dream! Hmm..well…. Starting a cult about a children’s book clearly references how I built a lot of my identity on what happened to me as a child. The adult me [the FBI]  is trying to help me break free of that identity. But like any cult, it’s not simple to escape. My entire idea of who I am was based around the idea that I’m a survivor. Bad things happened to me as a kid and I got through them, came out stronger. It’s not a bad myth to live by because there’s power in being the person who has overcome things. At the same time, it’s completely based on being the victim. I don’t want to see myself as the victim any more. I don’t want my entire life to be about the pain that I endured. I’d rather that my personal myth be based around the positive experiences I’ve had and the positive qualities that I possess. I’d rather be the hero of my story than the victim of my past.

Asking #2

An Asking: Undated, sometime in mid-2014

I ask for guidance. Show me what needs healing. Help me see my purpose. Help me to understand the block on my heart. Is it grief over my lost childhood?

Asking #1

*I often write questions or requests [an asking] in my dream journal. A lot of them get answered in dreams, a lot of them don’t. In the interest of showing how I developed mentally and emotionally alongside my dream life and how my intentions often triggered dreams, I’ve decided to include these questions. Some are sincere, some sound ridiculous, and some are just the outpourings of a person in pain. But they’re all relevant to my journey, so here they are.

An Asking: Undated sometime in mid-2014

I ask to meet my soul. I invite you to come meet me. I love you. Come home. I hear you calling me. I ask to remember. I ask to be shown the root of my self-hatred and self-punishment. Help me find any part of me that remains frozen in my childhood. How can I be of service? What is my purpose?

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