Coerced into Marriage

Dream: Undated sometime in mid-2014

I’m pregnant and about to have a baby out of wedlock. My mother arranges for my cousin Rachel to take the child, but only if we get married. During the ceremony, I don’t pay any attention and keep trying to read the newspaper. After we say our vows, I become incredibly angry. I see James and he’s crying. He says that we’ll never be together properly now. I hug him and reassure him and realize that I’ve made a huge mistake by going along with the charade. I track down Rachel and ask for an annulment. She says she already looked into it, and the answer was no. “Your mother is watching you like a hawk,” she says. I want to tell my mother to go f**k herself, that it’s my life. Rachel asks if I want to see the baby. We go over to her car. The baby is tiny.

Thoughts/Meaning

My cousin Rachel is physically very beautiful, and I think in the dream she represents what my mother wanted me to be (skinny, pretty, etc…). I tried to live up to my mom’s standards [i.e. I marry Rachel], but only because I felt she wouldn’t accept me otherwise [watching me like a hawk]. In order to cope, I try to distract myself [reading the newspaper], but it doesn’t work because I have serious internal issues [my unwanted baby] that I don’t know how to deal with. I try to escape my mother’s control [ask for annulment] but I still don’t want to take full responsibility for my own life [leaving the baby with Rachel]. Basically, I think this dream was trying to show me how invested I was in blaming my mother instead of taking control over my own life.

The Pink Wedding

Dream: Undated Sometime in 2014

James (my boyfriend) and I are at a wedding party. Although he knows the bride and groom, we aren’t important guests. It’s in a hotel with a bar out front where you walk in. Everything is pink. We spent the whole time with the bride until she got anxious about  seeing her other guests. We went to leave, but I realized that I’d left my sandles. WE went back to find them, but a whole group of women were doing gymnastics routines on the hotel lawn. They all had bright pink leg warmers on, very 80s. I found my sandles. At first everyone ignored me, but then a guy helped me look for them. When I went to put them on, they were broken. I spent ages trying to fix them only to realize that they couldn’t be fixed. Eventually, I go looking for James thinking that he must be worried about where I am. I recognize him the bar, sitting with two girls. I join them. James is complaining about being cold, which never happens!

Thoughts/Meaning

I had this dream in answer to a question about feeling powerless. It’s interesting that it includes a lot of things my family expects of me: getting married, wearing pink because I’m female, working out, etc… I guess for a long time, I felt powerless because I thought I could only be happy if I lived up to their expectations. Now I know that the only expectations that matter are my own. The sandles represent me trying to ‘follow in my family’s footsteps’, but I can’t because that’s not authentic [hence they’re broken]. I think the reference to James being with other women is because my dad continually says, “If you don’t marry him, he’ll cheat on you.” Which is obviously my dad’s thoughts about men in general, rather than a truth.

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