Some People Want to Stay Cursed

Dream: 10/11/2016

It’s me and a woman. We’re each holding our energy. The woman has me on a power spot and is trying to change my energy dark. I know it’s because of a certain artifact. I call for James. He grabs the artifact and I tell him to get away. As he moves away, the woman’s power lessens, but she knows what I’m doing and manipulates him to come back. Each time, I manage to break her hold on him and every time he gets a little further away. The last time, she loses all her power and I wake up.

Thoughts/Meaning

This dream happened the night after a session I did where the woman didn’t want to work with me. I thought it was because she was afraid of what would come up, but later I realized that she was just so deeply invested in her issues that she doesn’t actually want healing. She pretends to want to change because she knows every one expects her to, but she herself isn’t actually interested in working out her issues. She’s happy being reactive and attacking. I woke up from this dream feeling really calm, but with a sense that  I needed to remember this and write it down. There’s no fear or worry, just an awareness that it means something important. When I debriefed about the session with a friend of mine, she mentioned that I’m well protected. I know that. We all are. I give thanks for that. But it’s interesting… In the dream, I wanted to break the spell on the woman not only for me but for her so she could be free. Only it turns out she wants the curse because it makes her feel powerful, and in that case there is nothing I can do.

Two Volcano Dreams

Dream: 24/10/2016

I’m in a geology class. We’re outside, watching a lava flow move towards us. We’re standing against a wall. I climb up the side of the wall, knowing that lava flows are dangerous. As soon as it hits the wall, it starts to pile up and cool. Everyone starts to either laugh or panic. I continue climbing. I see a survey marker. I think I can go through its legs to get to safety, but then I notice a massive plastic strip blocks the way. I keep climbing up the rubble until I’m over the wall. The view on the other side is magnificent.

Dream: 25/10/2016

I’m looking at some sort of map of a volcano. Someone points out where the last eruption/lava flow was. Then they point to another map showing where they will be in the future.

Thoughts/Meaning

I had these two dreams back to back. Interestingly, they happened the first two days I started experimenting with automatic writing. Not entirely sure what that means…

A Body in the Kitchen

Dream 18/10/2016

I’m male. I’m standing in a kitchen. There’s a woman. She’s dead. Did I kill her? Did she kill herself? I have to get rid of the body. There’s a cliff with a sluice that goes down to a river nearby. I know because someone told me it would be a great place to dump a body, but only if it is disfigured first. I have an image of vats of chemicals in the desert where the mob disposes of bodies. I imagine being part of that and see myself throwing up. “It’s the heat!” They yell, but I know it’s not. What am I doing? This isn’t me. When I come out of the daydream, the body is gone. I feel relieved and start to clean up. The blood won’t come out of the inside of a cabinet so I cover it up with a cloth. Just when I’m done, a neighbor comes over. She barges in and I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t want to seem suspicious so I do nothing. She goes into the bloody cabinet to find something. I’m frozen. She pulls back the cloth, sees the blood, and then looks at me. I can see she doesn’t understand until she sees my face, guilt-ridden. She hastily makes a retreat and I collapse moaning, “What have I done? What have I done?”

Engulfed in Flames

Dream: 18/10/2016

I am at the University of Auckland, trying to find lunch. I see two guys head down a metal ladder, like the one you would expect to see in a submarine or underground. I decide to follow them. I climb down and find I’m in a meeting chamber. People are handing out vegetarian tofu burgers (which somehow taste delicious). Someone is calling names. They shout first for Mary Anne, but someone says she’s not here. The leaders see me. One of them knows me and points me out. He calls me Dr. Tracy but also Magic (?). He smiles at me, excited I’m here. It makes me uncomfortable so I decide to leave. Outside, I’m chatting to a guy, having fun, when I feel a pull to go back. An Argentinian friend of mine has gotten into the radio box and is singing very sweetly when suddenly the whole place bursts into flames. My friend is consumed by the fire, but he doesn’t stop singing, not once. I try to help him, but it happens way too quickly. There is nothing I can do. I run out of the room. Mary Anne is mopping something up. I yell, “Fire!” She sees my distress and comes running. Together, we put out the flames, but it’s too late. The radio box and my friend are nothing but dust.

Thoughts/Meaning

I’ve been getting lots of signs recently about the Cathar religion. The Cathars were a religious order in medieval France that were considered heretical. The Roman Catholic church burned them all at the stake. I get the feeling I might have been there in a past life. Perhaps this dream is about processing those memories…

A Ball of Flesh

Dream: 30/9/2016

I am rubbing my lower abdomen and stomach area. I can feel an energetic block. It feels condensed. I know it’s ready to come out. I try to pull it out, but it won’t come. Then, I realize it’s completely solid. Pushing really hard, I roll the block down my body, under my clothes. It pops out of the edge of my sweatpants, near my left foot. Immediately, my sister wants to see it, but I yell, “No! Be careful! It’s flesh!” And it is. It’s a ball of flesh. The outside is smooth skin, but it’s cracked. Inside, I can see raw pink flesh, like a meatball that has been singed on the outside. It freaks me out and I wake up.

3 A.M. Thought #10

You came when I was small / You held me in your gentle arms / and watched as I exposed my vulnerable self. / You helped me become strong / Will you still love me now? / Now that I’m big and brave and powerful? /

I fear peace / I fear quiet and calm / Yet I long for them too

How much of this emotional roller coaster is designed to keep me stuck? How much of me is lost in it? Why do I have to have something wrong with me in order to be “spiritual”? Why do I generate pain and self loathing when I know joy is just a flip of the coin? Because I want to be accepted. I fear that if I shine too bright, others will reject me. To be hones, I think I fear that most of all.

Behind the Attraction

Dream: 13/9/2016

I’m back in high school, sitting in the bleachers. My eldest sister introduces me to a guy that she likes, then goes off with her friends to perform. The guy and I start talking. He’s blond and rather old. His face is craggy. He wears a baseball cap. Something about him is magnetic. I can tell he’s slept with my sister but he doesn’t actually like her. I have to do a medical school thing. Before I go, I tell the guy that Jamie’s British friend who he’s been oggling is not available. He looks at me, surprised that I can read him. I can tell that he likes me. He tells me to go do my thing and then come find him. I notice that he’s incredibly tall. I go to the open area nearby where the medical teachers are getting people to look into microscopes (periscopes?). They’re made for tall people, and I have to stand on my tippy toes to see through the lens. When I look, I see nothing but a girl on the other side of the field. I yawn. This class will be boring. I ask the teacher when the lecture will be and she looks at me blankly. “Just follow me…” she says. I shake my head. I go over to another teacher.  “It’s so….dear, I don’t know…” Now I’m annoyed. I want to go back and see the guy! Finally, I run into a teacher who asks me if I’m hormonal. I say, “No, I’m just stressed because I want to do good in this class.” I’m walking with her. She walks down some metal stairs and starts reciting a riddle and about wheat and nuts. We go to the bottom and I say chaff because I think that’s a what a bundle of wheat is called. She smiles and claps her hands and says, “You’ll do fine!” She tells me where the lecture will be held and when. I leave her. I run back to the quad, but I run into a lot of blocks. There are people blocking the stairs. There are scores of people trying to get through the gate. Twice people think I’m someone else. I notice that if it’s a guy, I’m immediately excited. I’ve been starved for male attention and affection. Eventually, I find him. He smiles at me. We walk to an area that’s quieter. It’s so easy to talk to him! And he likes me! Upon a bridge in the distance, we see 4 giant dobermans walking along. The bridge is super high and they’re so big that they block the cars. I point at them. The guy nods, then looks at me and pulls me into his arms. “Do you have a boyfriend?” He asks. My hands are on his lower stomach, which is slightly distended in a lump. I push away. “Yes,” I say. “You’re being stupid,” he says, “being with someone like that.” He tells me how James can’t give me what I want, etc… I realize how ugly this man actually is. I wake up.

Note: I had this dream after spending lots of time rubbing my abdomen and wondering why I sometimes look and walk like I’m pregnant.

The Stresses of College

Dream 30/8/2016

I’m back at college. Someone reminds me that I have a massive project due, which I haven’t even started. I just got back from my trip and I’m exhausted. I have to work with another girl on the project and I don’t want to. Within minutes of when I get back, the college decides that my apartment is a perfect place for a store where they can sell school sweaters, etc… I also find out that I have new flatmates. They speak no English. They seem nice enough, but I just can’t handle it. I go to my room and cry. I wake up super grateful that I’m not in school any more!

Dream Fragments

Dream Fragments: Undated, sometime in August, 2016

Dream 1

In a variety of different situations, I embellish stories or tell lies. Each time, I wonder why. It’s totally unnecessary.

Dream 2

Rudo and two other witches are persecuting me. No mater where I run or hide they find me

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