Needle Jabbed by a Child

Meditation 30/11/2016

I was doing another LightBody meditation. In the middle, I started to feel really self-recriminatory. I had a vision where a priest and a young boy were in the room with me. It felt like they were both different aspects of me. I tried to convince the boy that he didn’t need to be afraid. I was tempted to punch the priest, but remembered to send love instead. The boy agreed with me, but then he jabbed a needle into my neck. I ignored it and someone nearby (a guide?) pulled it out.

Storybook: Being Different

Dream: Undated sometime in mid-2014

In my dream, I see myself as a little kid about 5 years old. She’s holding open a picture book and reading a story to me. It went like this:

There once was a walrus born into the body of a teddy bear. His teddy family didn’t understand him. He did weird things and made weird noises. They wanted him to be like them, to be a normal teddy. After many years, he tried to forget that he was a walrus. It was too hard to be different, to be excluded. For many, many years he went about life as a teddy bear, but inside he always felt uncomfortable, like he was a playing at life instead of living. Then one day, he met a walrus at work. He liked the walrus instantly. When they were out to lunch, the walrus was telling a story and suddenly the teddy couldn’t speak. When he finally did, he made walrus sounds! His new friend looked at him in surprise. ‘Is he making fun of me?’ The walrus asked himself, but then he looked at his friend’s face and he knew the truth. A big grin spread across his face. “By god,” he said jovially, “I think you’re a walrus!” Teddy looked at him and began to cry. Someone finally saw him! Not the body he was in, but him, the real him! His memory came rushing back and he remembered that he was a walrus and that that was a beautiful thing.

The Controlling Family

Dream: Undated sometime in mid-2014

I dreamed about people being controlling. I went to a pool and my entire extended family was sitting in a circle talking. I asked to join them, but they didn’t recognize me.  Rachel was there, heavily pregnant. We got to talking. Everyone went swimming, but I didn’t want to because I was worried about how I looked. Eventually, my cousin Rachel convinced me it didn’t matter and we jumped in together. But then she almost drowned. I pulled her out and she was okay, but this guy (possible baby daddy?) took her into a room and yelled at her for being irresponsible. He seemed ultra-controlling. The family wanted to comfort her but were confused about who the guy was, especially since he wasn’t her husband.

Thoughts/Meaning

The whole dream seems like an image of how I felt about my family. They don’t know me [they don’t recognize me in the dream] and I’m incredibly uncomfortable around them [don’t want to go swimming] because they’re very judgemental. My cousin Rachel is incredibly beautiful and creative and perhaps represents my free self, still in gestation [pregnant]? Only she almost drowns in the shallow emotional life of the family [the pool]. Just by touching that, she gets taken to task by a male figure [patriarchal value system in the family]. The family doesn’t understand any of this, however, because it’s all unconscious!

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