All the Factors that Impact My Relationship

Dream: 29/2/2017

I’m with a guy. We live in the 1950s and we’ve been together a long time. We got together because we were both smart and we went to the same school. It seemed like a good match. Only, we’re not attracted to each other any more. He and I both like other people, but we can’t break up because society won’t let us. I constantly bring people over so that we can avoid each other’s company. We drink to drown our sorrows and numb ourselves to this life we created. Boy do we drink. When we’re drunk, we act on our base urges and let out some of the pent up energy. There are so many sexual advertisements around. We’re both completely frustrated. I was watching TV at a party when a black and white ad of a naked man and woman having sex around a giant coke bottle came on. The bottle was 3 times their size. The advertisement clearly meant for the coke bottle to look like a penis. We leave the party and head home together, but we have nothing to say to each other.

Thoughts/Meaning

There’s a lot of different threads to this dream. Clearly, I’m a little sexually frustrated. My partner got diagnosed with Crohn’s disease about a year ago and it has caused a dip in our sex life. Beyond that, there’s the obvious theme of sexual and subliminal advertising which is everywhere in western society. I’d also just finishing watching Century of the Self, which is an awesome documentary about how large corporations used Freud’s theory of unconscious drives to manipulate the American public into becoming passive consumers. Additionally, the relationship in the dream reminds me of my parents’ relationship. They keep themselves busy and avoid each other because they have nothing in common. I don’t want that for myself. Maybe that’s what the dream is trying to show me, that there are a lot of different factors that play into my relationships and I need to bring all of them into conscious awareness if I really want things to change.

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Processing Suggests Potential Experiment

Dream: 30/1/2017

I’m a little boy (Annikan Skywalker?). I’m in a bombed out city. Kevin Costner and a teenage girl have decided to look after me. Something bad is coming and we need to hide. With the help of someone in an ambulance, Kevin Costner starts to barricade us and several hundred other people into a building that looks middle eastern. When it’s done, he and the paramedic leave together. We have no idea where they’re going or why. The paramedic returns later asking for help unlocking his door, but no one wants to admit we’re still in the building. What if it’s a trap? I decide to go down and talk to him. It takes ages because I’m injured. When get to the street, I pop open the ambulance door. Kevin Costner is inside. He jumps out and we all go into the building together. A few hours later, I find them doing experiments. Three women end up exploding from the inside out. Kevin Costner says, “Damn Virginia! I told her to wait!” He knows he won’t get paid now.

Thoughts/Meaning

The day before I had this dream, I watched Star Wars, Hidden Figures, and an episode of Colony. In the episode I watched, 3 people were randomly exploded when trying to climb over the wall. This dream is clearly my brain trying to process everything I watched that day. I wonder what my dreams would be like if I cut off the input stream of media in my life. What would I dream about if I didn’t watch any movies or TV and if I didn’t read the news? Maybe I should try it for a week and see? Would that be enough time to detox or would I need to go longer? Also, I wonder how visual media impacts dreams compared to books. I’m not cutting out books though. I don’t think I could go a week without reading a book!

Stalking My Golden Shadow

Dream: Undated, Early 2017

I want to get in contact in with Sanaya Roman, a well known channel. Somehow I know where she lives. I go to her house, intending to meet her. She isn’t home, but her door is unlocked. I go inside. At first, I just intend to leave a note. Then I think, I’ll skype her. Only I realize she’ll know the call is coming from inside her house and that would seem creepy. I realize I should go before she gets home. The house is amazing, very beautiful and immaculate. I look at things, picking them up and turning them over. I pick up a glass decanter and look at the way it refracts the light. When I go to put it down, I notice that the counter is wet. The decanter is full of ice. “Oh shit,” I think. They could be home at any minute! I freak out and check to make sure I haven’t moved anything too much. Then I run out of the house. As soon as I’m out, I see Sanaya and her partner coming down the drive. There’s a big party next door. Someone points at Sanaya and yells, “Is that Taylor Swift?” It confuses Sanaya for a moment and gives me a chance to get away. The woman at the party screams my name and says, “You’re back so soon,” as though I’ve been on break or something. I wake up worried that Sanaya will realize what I’ve done.

Thoughts/Meaning

So Sanaya is kind of celebrity to me [hence the Taylor Swift reference in the dream]. I think her work and her books are amazing. For a long time I wanted to be her. With that in mind, I’m pretty sure this dream is about recognizing my Golden Shadow, the positive traits that I project onto others because I refuse to recognize them in myself. Rather than acknowledge my own higher self gifts and abilities, I consider patterning myself after someone else who is successful [I stalk Sanaya in the dream]. It seems less threatening than following my own path. Except, it never works [it’s not my house and I don’t belong there]. I have to forge my own path. We all do.

Interestingly the night I had this dream, I accidentally trespassed through a residential apartment complex. While I was trying to find my way out, I felt a bit voyeuristic. Maybe this dream was also partially trying to process that experience?

Some People Want to Stay Cursed

Dream: 10/11/2016

It’s me and a woman. We’re each holding our energy. The woman has me on a power spot and is trying to change my energy dark. I know it’s because of a certain artifact. I call for James. He grabs the artifact and I tell him to get away. As he moves away, the woman’s power lessens, but she knows what I’m doing and manipulates him to come back. Each time, I manage to break her hold on him and every time he gets a little further away. The last time, she loses all her power and I wake up.

Thoughts/Meaning

This dream happened the night after a session I did where the woman didn’t want to work with me. I thought it was because she was afraid of what would come up, but later I realized that she was just so deeply invested in her issues that she doesn’t actually want healing. She pretends to want to change because she knows every one expects her to, but she herself isn’t actually interested in working out her issues. She’s happy being reactive and attacking. I woke up from this dream feeling really calm, but with a sense that  I needed to remember this and write it down. There’s no fear or worry, just an awareness that it means something important. When I debriefed about the session with a friend of mine, she mentioned that I’m well protected. I know that. We all are. I give thanks for that. But it’s interesting… In the dream, I wanted to break the spell on the woman not only for me but for her so she could be free. Only it turns out she wants the curse because it makes her feel powerful, and in that case there is nothing I can do.

Engulfed in Flames

Dream: 18/10/2016

I am at the University of Auckland, trying to find lunch. I see two guys head down a metal ladder, like the one you would expect to see in a submarine or underground. I decide to follow them. I climb down and find I’m in a meeting chamber. People are handing out vegetarian tofu burgers (which somehow taste delicious). Someone is calling names. They shout first for Mary Anne, but someone says she’s not here. The leaders see me. One of them knows me and points me out. He calls me Dr. Tracy but also Magic (?). He smiles at me, excited I’m here. It makes me uncomfortable so I decide to leave. Outside, I’m chatting to a guy, having fun, when I feel a pull to go back. An Argentinian friend of mine has gotten into the radio box and is singing very sweetly when suddenly the whole place bursts into flames. My friend is consumed by the fire, but he doesn’t stop singing, not once. I try to help him, but it happens way too quickly. There is nothing I can do. I run out of the room. Mary Anne is mopping something up. I yell, “Fire!” She sees my distress and comes running. Together, we put out the flames, but it’s too late. The radio box and my friend are nothing but dust.

Thoughts/Meaning

I’ve been getting lots of signs recently about the Cathar religion. The Cathars were a religious order in medieval France that were considered heretical. The Roman Catholic church burned them all at the stake. I get the feeling I might have been there in a past life. Perhaps this dream is about processing those memories…

The Stresses of College

Dream 30/8/2016

I’m back at college. Someone reminds me that I have a massive project due, which I haven’t even started. I just got back from my trip and I’m exhausted. I have to work with another girl on the project and I don’t want to. Within minutes of when I get back, the college decides that my apartment is a perfect place for a store where they can sell school sweaters, etc… I also find out that I have new flatmates. They speak no English. They seem nice enough, but I just can’t handle it. I go to my room and cry. I wake up super grateful that I’m not in school any more!

Dream Fragments

Dream Fragments: Undated, sometime in August, 2016

Dream 1

In a variety of different situations, I embellish stories or tell lies. Each time, I wonder why. It’s totally unnecessary.

Dream 2

Rudo and two other witches are persecuting me. No mater where I run or hide they find me

A Tornado Strikes

Dream: 5/7/2016

I’m with my family. We’re in China (or with a Chinese family?). I really need a shower. Jessica is in the shower belonging to the Chinese family. The son looks at me and says there’s one outside up the hill. I grab my clothes (I’m wearing a robe) and follow him. Immediately, it starts pouring rain. I follow him until it starts raining so hard that I can’t see. I stop, unable to see beyond my nose. My clothes are soaked. I hear a massive rumbling noise. The rain clears enough for me to see a giant tornado coming towards the house. My guide yells at me to go back to the house. We have to warn them. I sit down, but don’t move. We’re too far away. We’re too late.

Thoughts/Meaning

I didn’t write an interpretation at the time. I could probably make all kinds of symbolic associations, but I’m not sure this dream is symbolic. I googled it. On the day I wrote the dream down, there was a tornado in Wray, Colorado. I don’t think this qualifies as an example of precognition though. About two weeks before I had this dream, there was a rare and destructive tornado in China. It was all over the news. I might have seen an article about it, which could have triggered the dream.

Unmet Expectations

Dream: Undated, sometime in mid 2015

I’m in a grocery store with all of my sisters. Everybody there is trying to decide what to do. I talk to a guy and he says, he hates his PhD. I know it’s because he’s in the wrong field. Haley leaves the grocery store. I freak out, wondering how I’m going to get home. She tells me to wait for Jaime, but I have no idea where she is. I run into my friend Ayla, who has disguised herself as my cousin, Rachel. I apologize to her and she gets really mad and says we should just leave it. Except, I’m ashamed of what I said. She nods. I notice she’s missing an arm beneath her right elbow.

Thoughts/Meaning

The beginning of the dream makes perfect sense to me. In mid-2015, I had just finished my PhD and decided not to continue in academia. I’ve often wondered if I might still be an academic if I’d chosen a different field of study. I think that’s what the grocery store represents, the myriad of different choices that I had. Except even in a grocery store, your choices are limited. You can’t buy something the store doesn’t stock. Just like I couldn’t study a lot of things I was actually interested in.

As for the rest of the dream… my friendship with Ayla was complicated and confusing. It actually ended within a few months of this dream. Perhaps the dream was a foreshadowing, a preparation for the end of the friendship. The last time I saw Ayla, I did say something I was ashamed of. As for her being disguised… I think that’s partially why the friendship ended. I wanted her to be different than she was. I guess that’s the link between her and the PhD. I expected both things to be something other than what they were. In the end, when they didn’t meet my expectations, I was disappointed and had to let them both go.

Mean Goat!

Dream: Undated, sometime in late-2014

I went to the zoo. I tried to the feed the sheep with steak. Instead, I ended up feeding the goat. He was super ornery though and attacked me.

Thoughts/Meaning

This is definitely memory processing. My mother owns a really mean goat called Annie. I probably talked to her that day and this is my brain processing our conversation.

Teachings of Tom Mason

Dream: Undated, sometime in mid-2014

I’m sitting in a truck with Tom Mason (from Falling Skies) and another guy. We’re waiting for his sons who just went into a warehouse, scouting it out. I can feel something isn’t right. I look in the rearview mirror and see that people are coming out of the warehouse. I react too late. A big girl tells me to turn off the truck. I pull the key out but nothing happens, the engine keeps running. She laughs and say, “We need to work on that.” Earlier in the dream, I remember sitting with Tom and he said, “You can be with anyone when it happens. You might be on a plane or a bus or a ferry, and suddenly those people become all you have.” I remember thinking, he’s lost and needs a boost. I told him he was the best teacher I ever had because he made things real, he made them matter. Then suddenly Tom decided to tell me a secret. He told me how to defy gravity using water.

Thoughts/Meaning 

No idea if there’s a deeper meaning to this dream or not. Looks like memory processing to me. I would like to know how to defy gravity using water though…that would be an awesome secret!

Appointment Issues

Dream: Undated sometime in mid-2014

I go to see K, my healer, but I miss my appointment. I book one for a day later, but when I arrive it turns out a student healer will be running my session. The student is late though, and there’s lots of people in the healing space. I keep thinking that the student will get distracted. When she gets there, she says she’s late because of Zumba. I want to tell K that I asked for her instead, but I get the feeling she switched me out deliberately. The healing is about to start, so I go outside to use the bathroom. A lady comes up to ask me what we’re doing. At first I say it’s a church group, then I say spiritual development.

Thoughts/Meaning

This dream is clearly processing some of the events that happened on the counseling course I was attending. K taught the course and had been my healer for a long time before it started. However, I felt uncomfortable because the healer/client boundaries are different than the teacher/student boundaries, and K refused to address that. It strained our relationship to say the least. Also, the last sentence points to my deep feelings about the course. It was advertised as a spiritual development course, and it had many aspects which definitely contributed in that direction. At the same time, a lot of the course was taught in a ‘you must believe this’ way. Since leaving and having my own clients, I have found that most of the teachings were frameworks of understanding at best and restrictive labels at worst. Unfortunately, they were taught as absolutes, similar to how religious beliefs are taught in church.

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