Gypsy Circus in the Desert

Dream 17/7/2016

I’m attending a gypsy circus. The landscape is really dusty and desert like. My sister, Jaime, and her son are there. The kid keeps pushing open the metal gates that stand between the audience and the show. Jaime keeps picking him up and closing the gates. Then, he opens them when a tiger is pacing back and forth. My inner rescuer kicks in. I grab him and think angrily that someone should padlock the gate during shows.

Thoughts/Meaning

Children (my inner child?) can expose what we believe to be the most dangerous part of ourselves [the tiger]. They aren’t confined by the societal rules and regulations [the gates]. Instead, they are true explorers, open to the possibilities. My child is trying to open the gate within me, to help me have new experiences [the gypsy circus], but I keep shutting them because I’m afraid [wandering in the desert].

I had this dream right after watching The Legend of Tarzan for the 2nd time.  The whole story of Tarzan is about man’s connection to his inner nature, which Western society sees as wild and uncontrollable and therefore unacceptable. They literally beat him and break him down so that he can ‘civilized’. I guess there’s a part of me that worries that if I truly connect with my instinctual self and Mother Earth that I will become too wild, too unacceptable. There is a part of me that wishes I was happy just being ‘normal’. That part of me wants what my sisters have: a family, a house, children, etc… For many years, I’ve made that part of me out to be weak and easily controlled, but what if it’s not? What if it’s natural? Maybe it’s time to venerate the different aspects of myself. To honor the part of me that wants to experience and grow and serve and teach, and to honor the part of me that wants to have the simple joys and pleasures of a normal life. Both are parts of me. I thought for a long time that one excluded the other, but they don’t. I can have both, be both.

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Examining Social Conditioning

Dream Series: Undated, sometime in early 2015

Dream 1

James and I are climbing all over stuff suspended from a hotel ceiling. There are old train cars, giant clocks, etc… It’s fun, but I decide to take a break. James says he wants to climb some more. Suddenly, the stuff starts turning like a giant machine, cogs in a wheel. I start screaming, yelling out to see if James is okay. A person drops from really high. I run over. It’s Elaine. She tries to get up but collapses. I tell her not to move and I yell out for the staff to get an ambulance. It takes forever. James is fine and rushes over, helping me with Elaine. She ends up with her head in my lap. I’m crying. She tells me she’s not going to make it. I tell her to hang on. She’s prepared to die. The ambulance finally comes. The paramedics are dressed in ebola suits. I tell them she has no family here and they let me go with her.

Dream 2

Sam comes to dinner with me and Mary Anne. He parks outside. We hear a crash and run outside. Some jerks are repeatedly bashing all the cars in the carpark as they drive past. His car is totaled. We find out it’s an activist group. I track them down and ask them to pay for the damage. They’re all black. I keep saying dude to sound cool. They won’t pay. I threaten to sue because you can’t just damage other people’s personal property. They say that’s exactly the idea that they’re against. I realize this group is very dangerous and I back out of the room.

Thoughts/Meaning

These are definitely dreams about social conditioning, but I’m not sure exactly what they mean. I think the first one references the idea that if I look too deeply into my conditioning there will be some kind of backlash [Elaine’s fall/death] because new ideas are contagious [her body was collected by people in hazmat suits] and the powers that be need to keep things as they are [cogs in wheel supporting a bigger machine]. The second one is about how my life is structured around a lot of these social beliefs [e.g. the idea of personal property]. I’m afraid that if these go away, chaos will break out [the gang bashes up all the cars]. That’s what I’ve always been taught, right? That without society and societal rules, mankind will degenerate into a chaotic, violent mess. Only, I think that’s just another a belief that keeps us invested in social structures. If we’re convinced we’re evil and need to be controlled, then we’ll let ourselves be oppressed. We might even help the oppressors because we think it’s necessary. It’s interesting how much this parallels religion. Society tries to keep us from knowing ourselves just as much as religion does. If we know ourselves, then we know we’re not actually evil. And if we’re not evil, then we don’t need protecting or controlling because we can trust ourselves. How different life on this planet would be if each of us completed trusted ourselves!

Chased by a Duck

Dream: Undated Sometime in 2014

I’m in a forest with a lake. Something is chasing me. I run into the lake to escape. There are ducks in the lake. A green duck begins to follow me and I know that if it gets to me, something bad will happen. I fall down and try to swim, but there’s too much stuff in the water. All I can do is pull myself along. The duck gets closer and closer. In the end, I start throwing things at it, hoping it will go away. I look up and see a purple fairy on my left. He is flying above the lake. Another is sitting on what looks like a pole of purple light. I look back at the duck but now it’s a man. He reaches me and I wake up. I see him in the corner of the room by the closet and I really start freaking out. He’s there for minute or so. I look away and when I look back he’s gone.

Thoughts/Meaning

I didn’t write anything else down at the time. The lake obviously represents my emotional life, which was filled with crap [old memories, unresolved issues, etc…]. I ran into it because I was running away from my physical life [family problems]. Not sure what the duck represents. Online dictionaries suggest it represents your internal connection to your emotional/spiritual life. I guess in the dream that would mean that even though I was wallowing in my emotions, I wasn’t actually connecting with them in a useful way. Fairies represent magic/joy to me, so they were there to show me that to connect to that magical, spiritual part of myself I had to learn to access my emotions. However, the duck turned into a man because a part of me was afraid that deep inside I was a dangerous, killer male [Freudian conditioning]. The idea that my inner self is dangerous shows itself again!

Orcas in Atlanta

Dream: Undated, sometime in 2014

I was with dad and Amber on the docks of the Atlanta. We were talking to one of the fishermen who said he’d seen orcas, heaps of them. He said they’d started to like the port almost as much as Atlantis. The problem with going to see them was the birds. Apparently crows circled over the boats and attacked the passengers. I had an image of me curled up into a ball protecting my neck and eyes from being plucked out. Dad was joking about getting his gun. The guy looked at him and said he’d probably want it. I didn’t want to see the orcas anymore. I was too scared.

Thoughts

What do these animals mean to me? Orcas are powerful and graceful, but they are also cold-blooded with killer extincts. Crows are smart and loud. I guess the dream is about how I find the powerful/instinctual part of myself [the orca] fascinating, but it also frightens me because it’s not necessarily acceptable. My intellect [the crow] keeps me safe by attacking me whenever I move towards knowing or experimenting with that part of myself. I find this dream so interesting now because I’m just reading some of the Seth Books and many of them are about how we need to get back in touch with our basic impulses if want to live happy, fulfilled lives.

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