The Denial of Abuse

Dream: 28/2/2017

I have a sister, who I’m visiting. My sister is the perfect housewife. She’s wearing a cute dress, with done up hair and make-up. Her house is immaculate. In my mind, I keep thinking that she’s super conformist. We get to talking about shoes. I want to borrow some of hers. As I’m putting them on, I’m talking about mom. All of sudden, my sister starts snarling at me and tries to grab my throat, “That never happened! I fixed it! Don’t you say that! I fixed it!” That’s when I realize, my sister spends her whole life pretending that we had a perfect childhood because she can’t deal with it. I wake up, hitting at her to get off of me. In my mind, I’m yelling, “You can’t fix it! It happened!”

Thoughts/Meaning

I had this dream immediately after agreeing to help a friend of mine, who was in the middle of an emotionally intense lawsuit at that time. It felt like this dream was about experiencing things from her point of view (i.e. putting on the shoes in the dream = walking in her shoes). She feels stuck because of old childhood trauma, which she feels unable to move through because her family is in denial. That’s not an uncommon pattern. Abusive families often sweep things under the rug and deny the abuse ever happened. Their denial then forces the victim to question their own memories/experience, which degrades their confidence in themselves and ensures that they’ll stay quiet. This suites the family fine because it means nothing has to change. The abuser can keep on abusing and everyone else can maintain the status quo.  A lot of people end up cutting all ties with their family because this dynamic can literally be crazy making. Sometimes, enough memories and evidence surface that it becomes impossible for the family to remain in denial. At that stage, major changes can begin to take place. I think this dream was showing me that the best thing I can do for my friend is to support her in remaining true to herself and her feelings. In the end, no matter what happened in the past, the best thing she can do in the present is to love and believe in herself.

 

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Lifted Up and Marked

Dream (?): 25/11/2016

I’m laying in bed. Suddenly an energy starts pulling at my feet and I start sliding down the bed. I can’t see anything though. I’m not afraid, but it’s uncomfortable. I’m convinced this whole time that I’m awake and in my body. When my feet get to the end of the bed, I feel a force go under my body and start lifting me up. It lifts me up until I’m standing. I don’t know what’s happening, but I keep repeating, “I call light to myself. I call light to myself.” I black out. The next thing I know, I feel myself being lowered back down to the bed. I feel like a wind is under me, giving me a gentle landing.

As soon as I touch the bed, I sit up. Was it real? Was it a dream? Was it an out of body experience? I don’t know. What I do know is that a few hours later, I noticed there were a few small, perfectly circular marks in random places on my body. Those weren’t there before. I’m still not sure what exactly happened or what it means. The marks are still there over 7 months later…

Crystal Dreaming

Dream 27/6/2016

I’m laying down. Suddenly a great light shines down upon me. I am surrounded by light, bathed in purple light. I like the sensation, but I can feel I’m resisting. There’s a part of me that is terribly afraid. Afraid of the responsibility, afraid of what’s being asked of me, afraid I’m not enough.

I don’t remember the rest of the dream, but there was something about jewels. I remember seeing a white city with a domed temple. I was awakened by a pulse in my foot as though someone was trying to wake me up. My legs were incredibly warm for ages afterwards.

Thoughts/Meaning

On the day that I had this dream, I spent ~30 minutes meditating with a crystal that I bought in Sedona, AZ. During the meditation, the crystal appeared to shift and change in my vision, and I had the feeling that the crystal and I were one. I’m sure the dream is connected to my work with the crystal.

I Can Protect Myself

Nightmare: Undated

I’m in a room with Salma Hayek. We’re talking and suddenly the conversation turns abusive. She begins verbally using me. Then I fall to the floor and she tries to physically abuse me. She’s yelling all kinds of things about dictators and power and Sydney. I keep trying to yell “STOP!”, but at first nothing comes out. I can’t make a sound. I have no voice. Then suddenly I can whisper it if I put the full force of my being behind it. I whisper it again and again and again. Every time I whisper it, it creates a force field around me that starts to drive her back. Still, she tries to get me. I keep holding her at bay and saying stop. My voice is getting louder and louder. Finally I wake up and yell “STOP!” at the top of my lungs. I see a spirit flung away from my body and then run out the door. Now that I’m awake, I know the spirit can’t hurt me. It doesn’t have any power over me any more.

Thoughts/Meaning

This is definitely about claiming my power back. It was more of an experience, than a dream. Some deep part of me got activated, and I felt SO strong when I yelled that final STOP! and flung the spirit off. The dream made me realize at an incredibly deep level, that I’m actually safe. I can protect myself, and I don’t need to be afraid.

Chased by a Duck

Dream: Undated Sometime in 2014

I’m in a forest with a lake. Something is chasing me. I run into the lake to escape. There are ducks in the lake. A green duck begins to follow me and I know that if it gets to me, something bad will happen. I fall down and try to swim, but there’s too much stuff in the water. All I can do is pull myself along. The duck gets closer and closer. In the end, I start throwing things at it, hoping it will go away. I look up and see a purple fairy on my left. He is flying above the lake. Another is sitting on what looks like a pole of purple light. I look back at the duck but now it’s a man. He reaches me and I wake up. I see him in the corner of the room by the closet and I really start freaking out. He’s there for minute or so. I look away and when I look back he’s gone.

Thoughts/Meaning

I didn’t write anything else down at the time. The lake obviously represents my emotional life, which was filled with crap [old memories, unresolved issues, etc…]. I ran into it because I was running away from my physical life [family problems]. Not sure what the duck represents. Online dictionaries suggest it represents your internal connection to your emotional/spiritual life. I guess in the dream that would mean that even though I was wallowing in my emotions, I wasn’t actually connecting with them in a useful way. Fairies represent magic/joy to me, so they were there to show me that to connect to that magical, spiritual part of myself I had to learn to access my emotions. However, the duck turned into a man because a part of me was afraid that deep inside I was a dangerous, killer male [Freudian conditioning]. The idea that my inner self is dangerous shows itself again!

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