Lifted Up and Marked

Dream (?): 25/11/2016

I’m laying in bed. Suddenly an energy starts pulling at my feet and I start sliding down the bed. I can’t see anything though. I’m not afraid, but it’s uncomfortable. I’m convinced this whole time that I’m awake and in my body. When my feet get to the end of the bed, I feel a force go under my body and start lifting me up. It lifts me up until I’m standing. I don’t know what’s happening, but I keep repeating, “I call light to myself. I call light to myself.” I black out. The next thing I know, I feel myself being lowered back down to the bed. I feel like a wind is under me, giving me a gentle landing.

As soon as I touch the bed, I sit up. Was it real? Was it a dream? Was it an out of body experience? I don’t know. What I do know is that a few hours later, I noticed there were a few small, perfectly circular marks in random places on my body. Those weren’t there before. I’m still not sure what exactly happened or what it means. The marks are still there over 7 months later…

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Done with School

I am reading Deschooling Society. It reminds me of a dream I had a few months ago. In the dream, I’m at All Hallows, a Catholic school I used to attend. All the students are out in the yard. It’s like a giant PE class. I feel like the teachers are mistreating the students. I’m really annoyed. Suddenly, I remember that I have a PhD. I stand up, yelling “I have a PhD! I’m done with this stuff, done with school. DONE!” My PhD advisor is there. She and a few of the teachers try to convince me to stay, but I’m adamant. I know it isn’t the place for me anymore. As I walk out, I notice that my advisor is crying tears of joy.

Thoughts/Meaning

I’m going to be completely honest. I have a really negative opinion of traditional western schooling. I think it kills creativity and originality and is basically a system for indoctrinating western social values into the masses. There’s a great Ted talk about how school kills creativity and all kinds of fabulous books and blogs on the subject. At the same time, I consider being educated an absolute blessing that completely shaped my life. I think this dream is about me finally breaking away from my western values and learning to think for myself. I’m done with learning what other people think is important. I’m ready to find out what’s important to me and to formulate my own opinions.

I Can Protect Myself

Nightmare: Undated

I’m in a room with Salma Hayek. We’re talking and suddenly the conversation turns abusive. She begins verbally using me. Then I fall to the floor and she tries to physically abuse me. She’s yelling all kinds of things about dictators and power and Sydney. I keep trying to yell “STOP!”, but at first nothing comes out. I can’t make a sound. I have no voice. Then suddenly I can whisper it if I put the full force of my being behind it. I whisper it again and again and again. Every time I whisper it, it creates a force field around me that starts to drive her back. Still, she tries to get me. I keep holding her at bay and saying stop. My voice is getting louder and louder. Finally I wake up and yell “STOP!” at the top of my lungs. I see a spirit flung away from my body and then run out the door. Now that I’m awake, I know the spirit can’t hurt me. It doesn’t have any power over me any more.

Thoughts/Meaning

This is definitely about claiming my power back. It was more of an experience, than a dream. Some deep part of me got activated, and I felt SO strong when I yelled that final STOP! and flung the spirit off. The dream made me realize at an incredibly deep level, that I’m actually safe. I can protect myself, and I don’t need to be afraid.

Alley Competition

Dream: Undated, sometime in early 2015

I’m laying in some kind of alley, staring upwards. Several stories up, rubber power lines crisscross the alley. There is some kind of competition. People are climbing ladders to get to the top and the organizers are yelling for people to get up there while there’s still space. I decide I want to go, but can see there’s no space on the ladders. I run and jump up the wall, bouncing from thing to thing until I reach an appropriate level just beneath the power lines. One of the judges nods at me. I feel like a Neanderthal compared to how beautiful and skilled all the other competitors are. The judges say something and suddenly everyone starts climbing frantically, grabbing the power lines and hoisting themselves up. I can’t find one to climb. Then I see a broken one in front of me and I leap and climb up that. I make it to the top and then the organizers tell us all it’s done. People start heading for the ladders to get back down. One guy jumps straight to the ground. I’m not that good, but I manage to get down quite fast and land safely. I have no idea what it was all for though. One of the other competitors says something about how the presence of the organizers actually makes us more like ninjas.

Hiding from Godzilla

Dream: Undated, sometime in mid-2014

I’m in a big city with a few friends. It’s me, a guy and 2 kids. We’re having a good time when suddenly I realize that the city is under attack by Godzilla. It’s not safe. We’re near a bank. I get us inside. It’s rainy and really windy. It’s a close call that Godzilla doesn’t see us. One of the kids wanders outside and the guy has to go and get her. When they come back inside, we notice that there is now a big locked/unlocked sign on the door. Suddenly, people can tell it’s a safe place and they want to come in. I let them in until it’s full. A man whose kids are inside is stuck outside. I let him in. I tell everybody to move over, make space. Then, we hear someone coming and we get really quiet. A cop comes into the building. I realize we never locked the door. I quietly get up and lock it, hoping not to be seen. I’m not. The cop goes up the stairs. Everyone stays quiet. Suddenly, a blonde girl yells, “we’re safe!” We tell her to shut up, but she doesn’t understand. She keeps talking way too loudly. The third time she says it, the cop hears her. I’m terrified we’ll be found. The guy I was with in the beginning looks at me. He grabs the talking girl and runs through the door. The cop has his pants around his ankles. He runs down the stairs and outside, ass hanging out. He’s looking for the culprit, but they’ve gone down a nearby drain. I wait for them to come back, but they’re enjoying their freedom. They’re dancing underwater and singing funny songs. The guy says he’ll bring the girl back at 1 am, which is curfew time. It will be the last chance for them to reach us before the building shuts down completely. I wonder if they’ll come back. They seem happy out there, almost like there’s no danger at all.

Thoughts/Meaning

This is a dream about how I felt as a child. Godzilla represents my mother. I’m terrified of her. She’s an all powerful destroyer. To be safe, I lock parts of myself away, especially parts she doesn’t  like. I hide in a place where I control who comes in and who goes out. The cop represents my eldest sister, Jaime. She was older and meant to protect me, but in reality she saw me as someone to prey upon and hurt. As a kid, I tried not to be noticed, to be quiet and stay safe, but parts of me are loud [the yelling girl] and it doesn’t always work. The masculine part of me [the guy] protects me by taking the loud part outside. I become tough and that strong part of me feels alive [dancing and singing outside]. But I keep the other parts of me locked up. It’s still not safe for them. When will it be safe to come out? It’s time to let all the parts of me come out of hiding. Note: I woke up from this dream at 1am, curfew time…

All Hallows

Dream: Undated sometime in mid-2014

I am back at All Hallows, the Catholic K-8 school that I attended for 9 years of my life. This time, however, I’m a substitute teacher. Everything is covered in snow and once you leave the edge of the school grounds you walk directly into whiteout and have to turn back. One side of the building looks like a prison tower. I don’t like the way teach here, erasing things to “make them better”. There is a painting where the artists has put red on the person’s forehead. It looks like blood, so during a meeting the teachers decide to quickly paint over it. There’s a classroom of 1-3 year olds present and they look okay. It’s being run by a young woman and the kids were filled joy because she was reading Cat in the Hat. But all the other classrooms felt menacing. I found a way to get to the back of the school and it was full of fairground food stalls covered in advertising. It was almost like the school was a machine meant to make you believe certain things and to make you afraid of thinking differently. I keep looking for a way out of the school, but all routes lead back to it or into the whiteout. Everything is really dangerous and slippery as though you’re meant to hurt yourself.

Thoughts/Meaning

This dream disturbed me so much at the time that I immediately scheduled a healing session. It’s obvious that a part of me [child self] was stuck, frozen in that period of my life [the snow] and unable to find a way out [the white out]. The school was strict Catholic, taught by nuns and heavily invested in indoctrinating the students with religious conditioning [advertising behind the school]. It literally felt like a prison camp. The painting is interesting. The healer I went to see pointed out that blood represents life-force, so in a way the teachers were  trying to dampen down the life-force of their charges. In the healing, we did some inner child work where we went back into those memories and found the various pieces of me that were stuck in each classroom. Each classroom represented a grade. I think we did about 5 of them before the whole scene shifted and filled with light. In the beginning, the healer said she could see the shadows of the horrible nuns standing over me, tormenting me. By the end, she said they were gone and I felt a tremendous sense of lightness afterwards.

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