Asking #9

An Asking: Undated, sometime in early 2015

Please show me what this inner belief about being evil and undeserving of good things is all about.

Asking #8

An Asking: Undated, sometime in early-2015

Help me heal the belief and fear that there will be negative consequences to pursuing this path. I am ready to release this. Help me do so. Help me clear this so that I may go forward on my journey unfettered of the past.

Help me to heal the masochistic structure. I am ready to release this rage, this issue with authority, this weight. I am ready to break free of this pattern of holding in and accepting/doing what an external authority wants because it’s safe. I say NO!

Asking #7

An Asking: Undated, sometime in late-2014

Help me to fully see, understand and heal my love mask. Help me bring to the surface and process any issues still related to this false solution that I present to the world. I ask my guides and my angels to help me fully understand and heal any family beliefs about physical safety that I am carrying in my system. Help me give back and clear any beliefs that I will starve or die violently or experience the apocalypse. Help me to release any thought patterns or beliefs that were imposed on me via my familial heritage about physical safety or my body. Help me to heal this so that I may incarnate fully with love and respect for my physicality. Help me to live consciously in all areas of my life. Amen.

*A lot of my askings actually sound like prayers and end with Amen. Maybe I was never asking, maybe I was always praying…

**I wrote this asking after a series of memories around getting my period as a young girl returned to my consciousness. My mother didn’t handle it well. In fact she dealt with it by not talking about it. I was essentially left to figure things out on my own. I bet that’s true for a lot of women in our culture. We’re made to feel that our body is somehow shameful and so speaking about quite natural parts of our development becomes taboo. I wish it wasn’t like that. I’m also starting to realize that part of uncovering and honoring the inner feminine is to honor and love the outer feminine. I have to learn love and accept my body, which is hard in a society where your value as a women is often perceived as being connected to how you look and how much you weigh.

Asking #6: Finding Juanita

An Asking: Undated, sometime in late 2014

Where is the pain in my heart chakra from? Please show me what my sexual issues are about. Help me to become clear so that I can heal. Help me see what keeps me from accessing my inner feminine.

*At this time, I was obsessed with Shania Twain’s song Juanita, which to me represents every woman’s search for her inner wild feminine.

Asking #5

An Asking: Undated, sometime in late-2014

Please show me any ancestors or ancestral patterns that need healing. What in me needs healing in order to become fully present and grounded?

Asking #4

An Asking: Undated, sometime in late-2014

Show me what I am avoiding. I am consciously choosing to stop numbing out. Help me see and understand the things I have closed my eyes to. 

This was followed by a list of negative thought forms and beliefs:

  • I somehow deserved it. I brought it on myself.
  • Mom would have loved and protected me if I’d been different. 
  • I will be punished for being me.
  • Men always reject me. 
  • Men don’t say anything worth listening to.
  • Sex is dangerous. You could get pregnant or get a disease. 
  • You can’t be a “good girl” and be sexually active.

Asking #2

An Asking: Undated, sometime in mid-2014

I ask for guidance. Show me what needs healing. Help me see my purpose. Help me to understand the block on my heart. Is it grief over my lost childhood?

Asking #1

*I often write questions or requests [an asking] in my dream journal. A lot of them get answered in dreams, a lot of them don’t. In the interest of showing how I developed mentally and emotionally alongside my dream life and how my intentions often triggered dreams, I’ve decided to include these questions. Some are sincere, some sound ridiculous, and some are just the outpourings of a person in pain. But they’re all relevant to my journey, so here they are.

An Asking: Undated sometime in mid-2014

I ask to meet my soul. I invite you to come meet me. I love you. Come home. I hear you calling me. I ask to remember. I ask to be shown the root of my self-hatred and self-punishment. Help me find any part of me that remains frozen in my childhood. How can I be of service? What is my purpose?

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