Two Cockroaches

Dream 14/11/2016

My whole family is camped out in a skyscraper. My sister, Jessica, decides to come to the bathroom with me. We’re talking when all of a sudden a huge dead then another alive cockroach falls out of my vagina into the toilet. We both freak out! We wonder if we should tell the parents but I’m so disgusted and embarrassed that I wake up.

Thoughts/Meaning

This dream occurred right after I had a bit of a breakthrough and decided to share everything about myself with my partner. I’d been holding back because I was worried about how he would see me, but also because I was afraid to face certain issues. I was so afraid that I would rather break up and avoid them than face them. I’d basically been blocking and projecting my stuff onto my partner for weeks. It was good to finally talk about it all! Also, the dream happened the day after I took my yoni egg out after getting it ‘stuck’ for 2 days.

Cockroaches can apparently mean a few things in dreams. Click here to read about some of the possible meanings. The fact that they came out of my vagina is extremely symbolic. Cockroaches are renowned for living in dirty places and growing up Catholic, I was taught that being female is dirty. There’s actually an awesome article on how being Catholic affects your mindset about being female, being sexual, etc… Click here to read it.

 

Field Camp

Dream: Undated, sometime in early 2015

I’m at some kind of field camp in the woods. They have strict rules but all I want to do is play in the river and kiss my boyfriend (Gabe). I’m excited that he likes me even though I’m fat. When they find out we were jumping in the river, the camp leader comes to find me and my friends. We are in the shower block. One of the girls steps outside and they start shooting. My other friends try to escape. Some get shot. One gets dragged behind a horse. I walk out. I don’t care if they shoot me. They’re going to do what they’re going to do. I walk up to them, and they take me prisoner. A guy comes and starts telling me how they just wanted to keep us safe from the bears. He says he killed one. I become infuriated and break my handcuffs. I start yelling at  him, “You’ve never fought a bear. I know because I have and you would be way more cut up! It was the worst moment of my life!” I get him to stand on a yellow door trap. I pull the lever and he falls into a vat of bear piss that hunters use so bears won’t scent them. I pull him out. I stood up for myself and now people won’t bother me. I tell everyone I’m going back to look for Gabe. Someone says he will be fine. I negate his sentiment and say something like, “Why? Because good things follow me?”

Meaning/Thoughts

This dream reminds me of my time in high school [Gabe was my sweetheart at that time]. The punishments are totally disproportionate to the crimes [they shoot people for going into the river] and sentences are carried out in the name of keeping people safe [from bears]. Except, I’ve already experienced the worst [I’d fought off a bear]. They can’t keep me safe from something that has already happened, and I’m annoyed that they would try. In the dream, I’m obviously scarred from the experience and believe that I need to keep people at a distance.

Python in the Lake

Dream: Undated sometime in 2014

I’m standing with a crowd of people on a lake edge. The crowd is looking at something. A small snake appeared and I pointed at it. “That’s just what we’ve got here,” a lady near me says sounding annoyed. A little boy points at the water and a giant python emerges. I freeze. I’ve been chased by a python before and they have a perfect sense of smell. I turn and run. I go in the back gate of my parent’s house and shut it. I see their cats sitting in the yard. I know I’m not safe outside. I need to be indoors. I head towards the door, but the way is blocked by spiderwebs. I look for something to break them up with and pick something up covered in crawling insects, but it means I just trade one fear for another. I use my shirt to break up the spiderwebs and run inside. The crawling insects are all over me, but I know a shower will get rid of them. I go to take a shower and wake up.

Thoughts/Meaning

I didn’t write anything at the time. Here’s my current thoughts. Again, I’m looking into my emotional life [the lake] but this time I’m being observed [the crowd]. This could be a reference to group therapy work I did during a 2-year counseling course I had just started in 2014. According to some dream dictionaries, snakes can mean deep healing/transformational work. Maybe I felt like the course wanted to deal with small stuff [the small snake] and I had bigger trauma [the python] to deal with? Or perhaps I was noticing small emotional issues (comfort zone), but the one male on the course kept bringing up huge ones? Either way the big trauma scared me, so I tried to revert to old belief systems [family house with the entrance blocked by spiderwebs]. In the process, I reactivated all my old fears. To come back to balance I needed to cleanse my whole system [take a shower]. Not sure what the cats represent…perhaps that my instinctual self knew that none of my fears were real/justified?

Chased by a Duck

Dream: Undated Sometime in 2014

I’m in a forest with a lake. Something is chasing me. I run into the lake to escape. There are ducks in the lake. A green duck begins to follow me and I know that if it gets to me, something bad will happen. I fall down and try to swim, but there’s too much stuff in the water. All I can do is pull myself along. The duck gets closer and closer. In the end, I start throwing things at it, hoping it will go away. I look up and see a purple fairy on my left. He is flying above the lake. Another is sitting on what looks like a pole of purple light. I look back at the duck but now it’s a man. He reaches me and I wake up. I see him in the corner of the room by the closet and I really start freaking out. He’s there for minute or so. I look away and when I look back he’s gone.

Thoughts/Meaning

I didn’t write anything else down at the time. The lake obviously represents my emotional life, which was filled with crap [old memories, unresolved issues, etc…]. I ran into it because I was running away from my physical life [family problems]. Not sure what the duck represents. Online dictionaries suggest it represents your internal connection to your emotional/spiritual life. I guess in the dream that would mean that even though I was wallowing in my emotions, I wasn’t actually connecting with them in a useful way. Fairies represent magic/joy to me, so they were there to show me that to connect to that magical, spiritual part of myself I had to learn to access my emotions. However, the duck turned into a man because a part of me was afraid that deep inside I was a dangerous, killer male [Freudian conditioning]. The idea that my inner self is dangerous shows itself again!

Even Elephants Have Needs

Dream: Undated, sometime in 2014

There was an elephant running around my parent’s neighborhood. My mom was talking about her her neighbor hid in the fridge until he was gone. I walked into another room and the elephant was there. It was eating. I was frightened. I went to another room. There was a fridge. I decided to hide in it and hope that the elephant went away. I was scared of being stuck in the fridge forever. The elephant ripped the door off the fridge and ate it. I realized he wasn’t scary. He was just hungry. No one would give him what he needed, so he went on a rampage instead. I went back to the kitchen and told my mom where the elephant was. Her response was cold, that it needed to be “taken care of” as though she could surgically remove it from her house. Jaime was cooking. She said she was worried about what people would say.

Thoughts/Meaning

The elephant represents my need for love and my anger at not receiving it from my family? I didn’t get my needs met as a child. So as an adult, I went around destroying things (i.e. my connection with my family) and making other people angry in the process. It’s obvious that no one will talk about the lack of love in the family system, so it became “the elephant in the room”. Everybody tries to ignore it by numbing out and being cold [hiding in fridges], but it’s too big a problem to ignore. Interesting to note that the elephant is hungry (i.e. just wants love) and that if it got love, it would be beautiful and full of wisdom.

Orcas in Atlanta

Dream: Undated, sometime in 2014

I was with dad and Amber on the docks of the Atlanta. We were talking to one of the fishermen who said he’d seen orcas, heaps of them. He said they’d started to like the port almost as much as Atlantis. The problem with going to see them was the birds. Apparently crows circled over the boats and attacked the passengers. I had an image of me curled up into a ball protecting my neck and eyes from being plucked out. Dad was joking about getting his gun. The guy looked at him and said he’d probably want it. I didn’t want to see the orcas anymore. I was too scared.

Thoughts

What do these animals mean to me? Orcas are powerful and graceful, but they are also cold-blooded with killer extincts. Crows are smart and loud. I guess the dream is about how I find the powerful/instinctual part of myself [the orca] fascinating, but it also frightens me because it’s not necessarily acceptable. My intellect [the crow] keeps me safe by attacking me whenever I move towards knowing or experimenting with that part of myself. I find this dream so interesting now because I’m just reading some of the Seth Books and many of them are about how we need to get back in touch with our basic impulses if want to live happy, fulfilled lives.

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