Dream: Undated sometime in mid-2014
I’m pregnant and about to have a baby out of wedlock. My mother arranges for my cousin Rachel to take the child, but only if we get married. During the ceremony, I don’t pay any attention and keep trying to read the newspaper. After we say our vows, I become incredibly angry. I see James and he’s crying. He says that we’ll never be together properly now. I hug him and reassure him and realize that I’ve made a huge mistake by going along with the charade. I track down Rachel and ask for an annulment. She says she already looked into it, and the answer was no. “Your mother is watching you like a hawk,” she says. I want to tell my mother to go f**k herself, that it’s my life. Rachel asks if I want to see the baby. We go over to her car. The baby is tiny.
My cousin Rachel is physically very beautiful, and I think in the dream she represents what my mother wanted me to be (skinny, pretty, etc…). I tried to live up to my mom’s standards [i.e. I marry Rachel], but only because I felt she wouldn’t accept me otherwise [watching me like a hawk]. In order to cope, I try to distract myself [reading the newspaper], but it doesn’t work because I have serious internal issues [my unwanted baby] that I don’t know how to deal with. I try to escape my mother’s control [ask for annulment] but I still don’t want to take full responsibility for my own life [leaving the baby with Rachel]. Basically, I think this dream was trying to show me how invested I was in blaming my mother instead of taking control over my own life.