Dream: Undated sometime in 2014
I’m with the family. It’s Halloween, and we’re going to see a haunted house. We walk past a lot of carved pumpkins. One with a carved bat that seems to go on forever into the back of the pumpkin catches my eye. We get into the house and it has high vaulted ceilings, like my childhood house. The tour starts, but I’m really bored. Jaime’s son falls down in the middle of the tour and she screams at him. Mom, Haley, Jessica, and I squeeze into a bucket shaped carnival ride car with glass on top. We’re super squished. It spins round and round. I don’t get why the house is considered haunted. There aren’t any ghosts.
The night I had this dream, I wrote the following question on my dream notebook, “I ask to be shown the cause of my deep feeling of non-belonging.” Here’s what I thought that morning –> I associate belonging with giving in to being controlled. Maybe I have the belief that if you’re strong and independent and wild, you can never belong because you’re uncontrollable and you want to be different. Other people can’t accept that.
Here’s what I think now –> The dream is showing me that my sense of non-belonging is directly connected to my issues with my family [my childhood home is haunted]. And a lot of my issues with them were around how I felt that they led fake lives [Halloween, dressing up, covering up, etc…]. This bothered me because I have always wanted to be and feel authentic. Except in the dream, no one is faking anything, but there are power/control issues [screaming at a child for falling down] and clearly I felt that my family didn’t have enough room for me [squished into the glass cart]. So yeah, I think the dream was trying to show me that my issues with belonging were intertwined with feeling like I didn’t get enough attention as a child and when I did, it was negative.
Also I think it’s worth noting how the interpretation of the dream changes over time. We interpret things through our personal lens, which includes our issues and belief systems. At the time, I was invested in the idea that my family was trying to control me and that I had to break free, so I interpreted the dream in that light. Now i can see the actual issues much more clearly.